Motivation.....

WHERE ARE YOU!??? Not doing so good now folks. I make a plan and don't do it!! It's hard to MAKE myself hurt. The pain hurts and I guess I am so afraid of failing I don't wanna try. I'm so embarassed to workout or run. I've never met anyone else that feels like that. Not just my size but my endurance and ability is what is lacking. That is embarassing how do I get past it. How do you get motivated??? Go outside the box here folks cuz trust me I have tried EVERYTHING!!! I was able to motivate Chas and he thought he was unmotivatable!!!! I wish someone could find see in me what I don't see, if it's there. I have determination but when I'm tired and exhausted.. It doesn't do it for me..... Gotta be some help that you motivators that are out there can go even further outside the box than u ever have before to share with me?

Loser-Winner I need my friend RHI now!

I am really such a loser I can't run even once a week! It's too hot, I'm too tired. Life of a busy single mom with very active in sports kids it's really hard. But I'm trying to refocus and remind myself that if I make time to do it then it will increase energy, cure fatigue, etc. you can do this just run today!! Yesterday is gone and everyday matters!! You matter, you can make the difference u want to make u just have to really believe in Urself more than anything and that's what ur problem is. You don't give Urself real credit for ur accomplishments. You say you skimmed by in school it doesn't count, you're not perfect but look what you HAVE done. Your amazing, you're plum fucking stellar! You may not have had parents to tell u they love you when u needed and that hit u and hurt u instead of hug u and protect u but u even survived THAT and took a better road! I'm proud of u I know u can do this, please, just try!!!

Running days

Been running the last couple days gonna stick with it but it's hard while at this new job I freakin work 24 hours a day!

No run July 20, 2013

Yet on vacation. I pretty much wanna just feel like a failure at this point. I'm so fat it hurts to move.  

1st 5k wow LATE

Well this is super late. Let's see for week of July 15th was in Kansas for vacation meeting new people it was fun. I didn't run a day. I thought about it, lol and was like nahhh I still hate it and being on vacation I came up with every excuse in the book easily. See I don't wanna be like that. I wanna be one of those ones that CRAVE a run, feel releIf from it not like your heart may actually stop right now kind pain and misery. But on July 27, 2013 I "ran" (sorta) my first 5k. My only goal for this one was just to actually show up. Drive from Waco to Dallas and participate. I had planned to walk the entire thing cuz I didn't wanna be so disappointed for setting such high expectations that I felt like a huge failure. My best friend and sister Taresa went and our new friend Natalie went too. Just us 3 for my first 5k (cuz Michelle bailed due to over partying maybe lol) and it went well. I ran some. I mean I was glad it was over my feet hurt before we started. This is one of the strange things with me, I know it's HUGE for me to have done that, I feel no sense of pride people talk about. Didn't feel "ALIVE" for the thrill of the run. Hell no it was hot and sweaty and my fat thighs had chaffed together so it was time to go pretty soon after. Lol not bad for 5k #1