Day 1

For lack of a better idea of a title: day one is all I got. 

This is a blog I decided today to create and am working on now without preparation or much forethought so, bare with the progress. 

I come to you today to talk about my adventures with "running". I place that in quotes because I have many friends and no doubt they have many that agree that running is a sport, a love, a reason to wake up in the morning, I even have one of my best friends say "this is why I was born." No joke, to run. For 3 years now I've searched high and low for something else, anything else ANYTHING to do that I could find enjoyment and all my friends are runners. It is so discouraging, I hate running. I hate walking for that matter. I get short of breath easy, cranky in the heat or cold, I just wanna be where I'm comfortable. And that thought my friends, still took years to register as the thought that well, made me think lol. 

I have no real purpose set out for this blog except to help keep me accountable to just MOVE today and MOVE tomorrow instead of sitting around fat and miserable. I hope to have all my wild eyed giddy running friends help in holding me to that accountability somewhat like the best friend that said "then fucking just do it" which was today, which motivated me to actually do this blog. I do have in the back of my head high hopes that all this "running" talk is what its cracked up to be. With very few options for a thirty something middle aged divorced mommy of 2 busy busy full time working single mother can particpate in, I thought I should give this running crap a real chance. Can't really knock it unless you try it right??

So here is a brief run down of me statistically. I'm 35 (ok, almost 36). I've "ran" sort of before but have had pretty bad shin splints but that was a different mind frame. I hate working out I hate running, I love sports, I love being outside but hate being hot. I'm a good 50lbs over weight by BMI standards, I feel miserable and have low ish self esteem. I'm a fighter, good resilience but hate being embarassed. I have a severe disorder called complex PTSD that's been a surviving mechanisism in my life but also caused problems in my 15 year marriage that has been over about 3 years or so. My ex and I raise our 2 kids together the best we can. We have a better relationship now than we did 3 years ago that's for sure. But, my emotional state is largely controled by my disorder. So I have to work extra hard to not be depressed. So this gives me something else to do :) I hope you will join me. Help and comments, support and motivations and tips are all welcomed (uh hem needed). 

I start today using couch to 5k app thingy. I'm fearful I wont even finish that, more fearful I won't do it but tell those holding me accountable I did so they won't think I'm a slug ass loser. But I'm going to be as honest as I can. I hate running, everyone knows that. I think it's stupid but don't judge those that love it I mean, I love peanut butter on my pancakes and that's ok. 

What even brought running to me wasn't even that everyone in my life and around me LOVE it, even THAT didn't work on me. What worked is my sister Taresa and her sister in law Michelle started doing these 5K's together and posting them on facebook. Now I don't know what motivated them, but what motivated me was 1. "(pouty face) Ugh, why is my sister doing stuff with other people and not me? I wanna go! (they live in DFW and i don't btw) then the 2nd was when I payed closer attention I thought "OMG these look fun!" I've WALKED 3 miles for a good cause before surely I can do these color runs, zombie runs, beer runs, mud runs etc cuz they look like so much fun and I can do them with Taresa and Michelle and I miss my sister" 

So as the first 5K approaches and I am just starting the couch to 5K thing my realistic goal is to just actually BE THERE and finish by any means possible. I know I wont be a super racer or make good time but if I show up....just if I ACTUALLY SHOW UP....THAT will be a truly amazing, miraculous feat! Stay TUNED!!!!